Today's The Sixth Anniversary of My First Colonoscopy

Had yours yet, bub?

Far left on the Guzzi California: baking under a hot late September sun in 2016, probably near the Legion of Honor. Image: Erik Jutras

Getting into the true spirit of raising funds and awareness of men’s health issues like colon or prostate cancer for my first Distinguished Gentleman’s Ride in September 2016, I did more than just pull on my best sport coat and open-face helmet to ride with 350 other dedicated motorcyclists: I scheduled a colonoscopy.

May of that year was my 50th birthday, an age when healthcare professionals recommend a colonoscopy. My wife and I were born in 1966 (Stacey Sell!), so we scheduled them a few days apart just in case one of us needed a little assisted TLC after a fairly minor procedure. Jean’s was the second last Friday in September, mine was the last Monday. As usual she skated through, opting not to go under so she could watch the procedure on a little screen.

Problem was – and those reading this old enough to have had a colonoscopy remember – there’s a special concoction the patient must ingest 24 hours before the procedure to ‘clean out’ the plumbing while fasting. It was 95 degrees during my DGR debut on the day before my doctor’s appointment, which not only made things a bit uncomfortable, because the parade route took us through the busiest streets in San Francisco. Imagine a busy Sunday along the Embarcadero, through the Financial District, Golden Gate Park and over the Golden Gate Bridge to Mill Valley. Now mix in 350 or so riders frog-marching their bikes at a snail's pace, with several vintage machines overheating (Matt Park!) and you have sublime chaos.

I’m used to the heat. I’m a former soccer player and current road cyclist from Wisconsin who understands the need to adapt to extreme weather conditions. Difference here was peeing from the part of my body accustomed to voiding more density, and not being able to eat one calorie during a strenuous effort.

Am I complaining? Nah, just spinning a yarn that many of us can relate to. I just seem to have something a bit laughable connected to many of my experiences.

The morning of my appointment Jean and I saw an older couple from our church. The hubby was waiting for his colonoscopy, while his wife made conversation with Jean about how ‘nice’ it is to only have to do this once every 10 years compared to when they turned 50 decades ago.

Me being a softy when it comes to any procedure big or small, I opted to be put under, missing out on a cute little reality television showing of my innards.

Devil-horning it to opposite traffic wearing my white and red-striped helmet on the Golden Gate Bridge with hundreds of other moto dorks. Image: Erik Jutras

Have you had your first colonoscopy? If you’re over 50, schedule something today and for the men reading this, also get an annual prostate-specific antigen (PSA) test to make sure your plumbing is fine.